Back on here and waking up.

Alright, I am back on track again. At least for the time being. Like I pointed out many times before in these posts: once I stopped keeping the tight schedule of publishing one of these installments every week, the productivity started slipping. Routine and discipline are my friends. I believe I already wrote that very sentence in an earlier post.

So, anyway. Things are moving forward. I am just now sending out this story to publishers to see if anybody wants to do the book version of this story. We’ll see. If not, I am self-publishing. Keep your fingers crossed.

As this life story certainly has made me brutally aware of mortality and the limited time we have here on earth, I am now experiencing that yet again as a close relative are having health issues. It is not so much the sadness of it happening, as witnessing up close the way we all will go. This once so powerful and vital person is now aging and losing their abilities to take care of themselves. That transformation is natural when I talk theoretically about it or hear about somebody else’s relative going through it. But with somebody close, the change is bizarre and shocking.

Nothing stops this train that we are all on. There are no stations to get off and take a break. All there is to do is to make the most of what we have. Is the ride a speedy white-knuckled chase, or a peaceful meandering through a beautiful and exciting landscape? While everyone goes home and thinks about that…

This part of the story is waking up after that severe surgery. I was blown away by how fast and easy it all went. I was nervous, rolling into the operation room. But I could not believe when I woke up what seemed like seconds later, and a nurse whispered, “you’re done” in my ear. In reality, eight or nine hours had passed.

I hope you’re all doing ok in these Covid-19 times. Stay healthy and sane!

Big hugs,
Stefan

The mind

Getting these installments out while running my own video production shop has shown to be a challenge. I am very happy to be very busy with paid work, but it doesn’t leave much extra time to jot this stuff down. I am hoping to reach the end of this story pretty soon and then make a book.

On a different note: as of 2018 I changed health care providers and am now going to a different hospital. Did I mention I had my annual checkup in August and everything looked great! A big relief, since a couple of months before that I had noticed that I did not have the same stamina in my workout class as before. I used to be able to run at pretty high speed for the reps we did, but now I found myself getting tired quicker. Granted I had taken a few months off, and at 50 years old my shape is going away pretty quickly if I don’t keep at it. I had also experienced a few head rushes when standing up after squatting or sitting on the floor. In short, all things that I used to feel before my surgery. My first thought was “oh man. Is this it with this heart? Will I need another transplant?” There’s a big range of how long your heart lasts after a transplant and a few years ago I heard about a guy who’s heart started to get a lot weaker after 9 years. I am only 5 years out, but you never know. Basically, I will never be “out of the woods” with this. I will always need medication. The best thing I can do is to take as good care of myself as possible and I think I am doing alright in that department.

week 48 mind games

But, the annual test results told me all was good! I feel like it was yet another wake up call. To the point of this week’s installment, it is easy to start slipping on your commitments. Even the life important ones, like in my case doing some kind of physical activity every day. So this time I realized that I really wanted to be serious about regular workouts. It doesn’t have to be some insane cross-fit sessions, but going for a swim or a walk or some type of workout class. I always hated running so walks is a good compromise, and right now there is research stating that a 30-minute walk is as good as any heavier workout. Who knows? Those things change every six months it seems like, but I choose to believe it since I really like walking.

Anyway, like I said, this week is about saying and promising things that you think you will for sure (!!!) do, and then still not following through on them. Even things that could be life-threatening. It is a mystery. Life is not as linear and organized as I thought. It is a goup of emotions, happenstances, circumstances, wims and other mind mysteries. Hopefully, it has made me a bit more understanding of other people and their struggles.

Thanks for coming by and reading,

Stefan

Powered…

Hi all,
Another account of life after coming home from the hospital.
I could not be in a situation where did not have access to electricity for any longer periods of time. I had to be in touch with the local fire station in order to ensure power in case there was a power outage. That kind of preparedness was mind blowing to me and made me wonder how many people in similar, dire situations were located in my neighborhood.iLeftMy_electric

Luckily I had never had to run down to the fire station. Instead I got to heal up, ride my bike, pick the kids up from pre-school and take part of daily life. It was great.

It’s amazing how quickly one adapts to new conditions. When going to sleep at night I plugged myself¬† into the outlet on the LVAD machine while the batteries were charging. It just had become the new normal.

Hope you’re all doing well and thanks for reading.

Stefan

Support from my peers.

Greetings,
I am trying out publishing these every other week. Bi- monthly? I can’t remember what it’s called. Bi-weekly? Anyway, it feels like that might be a good pace.

I am currently on Spring Break with my family and some friends out by Zion National Park. It was a loooong drive out here. It seemed longer than I had anticipated. The landscape out here in Arizona and Utah is incredible though. I feel like I am in a copy of National Geographic when I look at the huge, red mountains and rocks. It puts me back to the old Western movies I saw as a kid and I wish that suddenly a band of the Native Americans I idolized back then would come riding over the prarie.

Anyway, this week is about my first encounter with the fantastic heart transplant support group. It was so great to connect with other people in the same, or similar, boat as mine. Swapping stories and experiences about hospital stays, medication side effects (the tremors!) and other morose things. There were also people there who were on the wait-list to have their transplants. I remember a woman who looked very uncomfortable as we joked about the different harsh experiences we’ve had. No wonder. We tried to assure her that things would work out fine and I was happy to learn later that her hanging out with us really had eased her fear.

Thanks for reading and hope you all are doing well.

Stefan