It was the first time I got a whiff of what real bad anxiety might feel like. This version was different from the usual “down in the dumps.” Or, I did have an experience about 15 years ago where I felt so stressed that it felt like my skin crawled, so that would have been pretty close. This time in the ICU was terrible, though. I felt like I would not make it through the day, just lying there. The bed felt small, and as if there was no place to hide. When the rounds came, I would usually be pretty talkative, joke, and have a good time with the staff. Not this time. Having a crew forming a semi-circle around you and probe about your health when you are freaking was not great. I sat there wishing I could escape into the bathroom to hide, but the drainage tubes from my gut made any trip like that impossible. I was stuck in bed.
I hope you’re all doing well, and as usual, thanks for stopping by and reading.