Mind body & death

This week deals with the mind body connection and death. It has been a heavy week and today is sad because my old co-worker and friend died from cancer early this Thursday morning. It is immensely sad and crushing. Apart from this guy being an incredibly nice and cool person in every way, I always felt a special connection with him, since we both had been seen by death in the way of being hit by life threatening conditions. The little silver lining, if there is one, is that he has been fighting cancer hard for six years which has brought a lot of pain, stress and hardship, so now he gets to rest. His wife and family is showing an incredible braveness in the middle of all this and it is reminding me that life is the last outpost. It’s the utmost point. Everything can suck and I can have massive complaints, I can be sad and angry, I can fail at a lot of things, I can be disappointed and frustrated, but in the face of death I desperately want the option to live! In the face of those choices everything pales and becomes pointless. I don’t give a shit what happens, just let me stay alive and spend it in whichever way with my family, friends and the world. I know my friend will have good travels and I will see him on the other side.

The fact of mortality becoming so real and feeling that death was looking over my shoulder was something that was tough. After being three years (!) out since my surgery, it is still tough sometimes, but it’s strange how much a part of my life it is now.

clinic_work mind body

On another note, today is the day I have my Annual. It’s something that Stanford transplant patients do once a year. I don’t know if they do it at other places. It is basically doing two days of tests regarding my health and making sure things are going along in the best way possible. X-rays, blood draws, sonograms etc. Today there was some waiting involved, so I took the opportunity to do some work on this comic in the clinic room. This first day, all of my tests looked good! Tomorrow there are some more tests and hopefully they will be ok too. The staff at Stanford really make me feel thoroughly taken care of which is something I deeply appreciate.

I hope everyone is doing ok and thanks for coming by to read. In honor of my friend, let’s make this a celebration of the privilege of getting to be alive and to be able to enjoy the world around us. Love!

2 thoughts on “Mind body & death

  1. I read what you write and I am also happy for every hour I survive. I got my cancer diagnos exactly two years and one month ago. Since then a lot of treatments and medicins. I am extra happy to live in Sweden! My hospital an Health treaments cost at least 5000 dollars per month but I pay only 300 dollar for this for the whole year! I was in last week for controll. It was not so good so I must in for Another one in four weeks.
    Stefan! Keep fighting!!! 🙂 greetings from Sweden and Sandsbro

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